Time to Heal
by mardel
Summary: Bailey needs to face his feelings about his military service


Time to Heal  
by mardel  
PG   
  
Disclaimer: I just borrowed them for the story. They are owned by others.  
  
This story refers to one I wrote called Absent Comrades, but you don't have  
to have read that one to understand this one.   
  
  
Ever since their undercover operation in Washington Bailey seemed closed down.  
His usual gregarious nature, missing. His sense of humor almost completely gone.  
  
Sam was worried about him. The trip to the Vietnam Veterans Memorial had brought  
up deep buried feelings of guilt for Bailey. Guilt that his men had died and he had  
lived. Guilt that he hadn't been able to keep them safe.   
  
Sam had hoped he would work through the resurfacing of those feelings. But it   
was almost six month later and he was still shut down emotionally. It wasn't healthy  
to keep things bottled up that way. She knew grief had to be expressed, one way or  
another. Then you could heal.   
  
Sam had an idea of a way to help Bailey heal. Veterans day was coming in a few weeks,  
Atlanta was dedicating it's own Vietnam Veterans Memorial in the federal cemetery.  
She was going to suggest Bailey join her at the dedication ceremony.   
  
"Bailey, you should at least break for dinner." Sam entered his office on her way home.  
  
"I'll eat later, I've got a ton of paper work to catch up on." Bailey glanced up at Sam,  
she was wearing a skirt and heels, he admired her legs a moment, before returning to  
his work.   
  
"Come on Malone, I'm taking you home for dinner. Angle and Chloe are expecting you.  
Angle is making her famous chicken stir fry with wild rice. And Chloe has been asking  
for you to come for a visit for weeks."   
"I know, OK, you convinced me." He smiled and stood up. He pulled the suit coat off his  
chair and rolled his shirt sleeves down. Sam watched, wishing he would leave his coat  
behind. It was a warm day for fall, he didn't need the coat.   
  
"I'll follow you," Bailey escorted Sam to the parking garage.   
"You keep your eyes on the road, Chloe expects a hug from you before sunset."   
Sam teased.  
  
"Bailey, you came!" Chloe launched herself into Bailey's arms. He lifted her up and   
hugged her tight.   
"Hi, sweetie how have you been?"  
"I'm fine, mom promised you would come visit. I've missed you." She hugged his neck  
and placed a quick kiss on his cheek.   
"I'm sorry about not coming for a visit sooner, I'll try to come more often." Bailey tickled her then   
set her down.   
  
"I told you she expected you." Sam laughed. "Run and tell Angel, Bailey is here."   
  
"Make yourself at home Bail, can I get you a drink?"   
"No thank you, I've been hitting the bottle to often recently. I'll take a glass of ice  
tea if you have any."   
  
"Ice tea coming up." Sam walked towards the kitchen.   
  
"Come see my painting, Angle has been teaching me." Chloe grabbed Bailey's hand   
and pulled him towards her room.  
  
::::::::::::::::::  
  
"She is a sweet kid, you've had to work hard to keep her life as normal as possible."  
Bailey told Sam later, after Chloe had been put to bed for the night. They were sitting  
on her couch, talking. Sam was looking for an opening to bring up her idea about him  
attending the dedication ceremony for the memorial.   
  
Bailey was enjoying the evening. It had been to long since he had allowed himself the  
pleasure of a woman's company. As strong as his feelings were for Sam, having to keep  
them hidden from her was growing more difficult.   
  
"Bail, I'm worried about you. Ever since we came back from Washington, you've been  
holding back."  
  
Bailey was surprised, he hadn't expected her to have noticed. She had problems of her  
own, more than most people. "I'm fine Sam. Don't worry about me." He half smiled.  
  
"I do worry about you, I care about you." she reached to touch his hand where it rested  
on the back of the couch. "I think you should talk to a therapist about your experiences  
in the war. You're keeping to much buried."   
  
Bailey's eyes clouded over. Sam could see the sorrow he worked so hard to hold in.   
He swallowed, fighting back tears. " I don't' need to let those feelings out Sam. If  
I do, I don't think I'll be able to function."   
  
"It hurts Bail, I know. But then you can start to heal. You can talk to me if you  
would rather."  
  
"No. You have enough to deal with. Did you have someone in mind for me to talk  
with?" he asked not really wanting to know the answer.  
  
"Yes, a colleague of mine, Dr. Grant Fredrick. He served in Nam too. He understands  
Bailey."   
  
"Alright I'll see him."   
  
::::::::::::::::::  
  
"Sam do you have a minute?" Bailey found her a few weeks later in her office.   
  
"Sure what's up?" she looked up from her desk.  
  
"I've been seeing Dr. Fredrick, he has suggested to me that I should attend a veterans  
dedication ceremony to help me work through my experiences. Would you come with  
me?"   
  
"I'd be honored." Sam smiled.   
  
The day came for the dedication of Atlanta's Vietnam Veterans Memorial. Bailey  
was wearing his Marine uniform. He'd found his dress blues from long ago still fit.  
They just needed cleaned and pressed.   
  
Sam's first look at him in full military regalia took her breath away. He looked magnificent. The cut   
of the blue jacket made his shoulders seem wider, the chest full of ribbons and the brass buttons   
that stretched from his just below his chin to his waist made her breath catch in her throat. The dark   
blue pants with their red stripe, gave him an air of authority. She had no idea what all of the insignia  
meant, just that he had earned them during his six years in special forces.   
Sam knew Bailey was well put together, but seeing him dressed like this just drove home that point   
ten fold.   
" Are you ready?" Bailey came to pick her up at the firehouse. He walked proud and  
tall, his shoes shinned so well they reflected the bright sunlight.   
  
"Wow, Bailey you look like you just stepped out of a recruiting poster. How are you  
holding up?'   
  
"Dr. Fredrick suggest that if I still owned a uniform, that I should wear it."  
Bailey explained. He felt strange, it was twenty years since he had worn any  
type of uniform. He'd been surprised to find it fit, it was even a little snug  
across his chest, but not his waist.   
"I'm OK, you were right to make me go see someone." He assisted her to his four  
by four. He removed his hat and climbed inside.   
  
"You look really good Bail. I feel under dressed now." she joked, trying to keep  
the mood light.  
  
Sam did feel proud to be with Bailey, it was silly she spent most of her life being  
escorted by him or John. But somehow today being with Bailey when he was dressed  
in uniform, was extra special. She felt privileged to stand beside him during the  
ceremony. Bailey was standing at attention, while the dedication was being read.  
There were dozens of other veterans present, most in uniform but some wearing   
only VFW hats.   
  
"It was a nice ceremony, the band sounded good. I didn't know there was a traveling  
Marine band. I thought they only performed on base or in Washington."   
  
" Special arrangements were made to bring them here. Come with me, I want to  
visit a few friends while we are here."   
  
Sam walked with Bailey, he was headed for the area towards the back of the grounds.  
He removed his hat, tucking it under his arms as he approached the graves of two  
men he had served with, Sgt. Henry Emerson and PFC John McPherson.  
  
"I remember the day we were over run. We had just returned from a mission in the  
bush. Ten days in hostile territory and not a scratch on any of my men. That night  
at the base camp, the enemy breeched the outer wire. Over a dozen men died that  
night, two of my men among them." Bailey explained, his eyes moist with tears.  
"I remember writing their families, then I got drunk."   
  
Sam was teary eyed herself, she touched Bailey's arm. " You got them back safe  
Bailey, you did your part. Don't blame yourself."   
  
"I don't, not anymore." He returned his hat to his head and saluted the graves of  
his friends. Then did a military about turn and walked back towards the gate.  
  
:::::::::::::::::  
  
Sam noticed an improvement in him after that. He returned to his old self, making  
jokes to relieve the tension during a case. Giving John a hard time about his current  
obsession with running. Bailey was healing. Sam was glad because she depended on  
him, he kept her grounded.   
  
"Sam you should go home, it's late." Bailey scolded her a week later.   
"I'm going, I was just waiting for the results of a check George was running."  
She stood and loaded her brief case with papers.   
"You're headed home?"  
"I am, but I wanted to tell you thank you first." Bailey grasped Sam's wrist in his  
large hand and drew her out from behind her desk. Sam looked at him puzzled.  
Bailey smiled, pulling her into a hug, his arms surrounding her. Her chin resting  
on one wide shoulder as he squeezed her tight against his wide chest. Sam let herself  
enjoy the moment, it had been months since she had shared one of his patented  
hugs. She missed them. In his arms was the only place she felt truly safe.   
"Thank you Sam, for forcing me to face my feelings about the war. I don't have to  
lock everything inside now."   
  
"Good, Bail, I'm glad." Sam wrapped her arms around his body, holding on to him,  
attempting to memorize the feeling of peace she always experienced in his embrace.  
  
"Now," he eased his arms from around her, "You go home to Chloe, I'll walk out with  
you." He reached for her brief case, snapping it shut and handing it to her.   
  
"You would make a little girl very happy if you would come home with me."  
Sam suggested, thinking it would make a big girl happy too.  
  
"How can I refuse," Bailey smiled, he couldn't think of anywhere he would  
rather be than with Sam and Chloe on a fall evening.   
  
End  
  
  



End file.
